I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
