Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
