This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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