i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
