if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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