While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
