Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
