I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
