And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
