She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
