I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
