my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
