i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
