Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
