He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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