I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
