Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
