remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize