grandma shit on top of the toilet
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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