Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
