So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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