First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We talked him into tasing himself.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize