I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
