don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
