Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
