I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
