what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
