I'm lost and stupid without you.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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