If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He shit in the fireplace
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize