I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
