No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
