How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
