i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
