Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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