i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Can I color on your dick again?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
