I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
