I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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