Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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