1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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