Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
