Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
