VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
