Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
