I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
