the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm like, not good at living.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
