You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
