Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
