you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
