u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
