First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
