my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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