At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
