Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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