You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
They have beer where we have blood.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
