i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
