I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
