your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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