just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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