Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
