Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
