is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
