Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
this just has baby written all over it
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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